Learning to Love Myself

As a mom I want to know that I do not want to scar my children in any way! I know as a mom of a tween girl I really don't want to give her some sort of complex about how she looks or how much she weighs. Because I know it isn't how we look but how we act, do for others, and live our lives that be our legacy and how people remember us.

WELL this can be very difficult when it is something I have personally struggled with pretty much my entire life. No, not that I have struggled with my weight per se but I have struggled with the perception of how I look think I look to others and myself. My brain tells me my self-worth is not in the number on the scale or the size on my jeans. But internally something else tells me I need to be a specific number.

For the record: I do NOT own a scale. I can't! It is a sickness and I will be the first to admit if I had a scale I would weigh myself every single time I passed it. Yes I know I am crazy!

Like most others my weight has fluctuated over the year due to having kids, getting older, just life. I am 90% happy with where I am right now. I am more focused with being more tone than losing any weight.

15 and this is what I looked like when Michael and I met (yes I realize I was a girl not a woman yet)

Yes, this is me pregnant! What can I say, when you are only 5 ft tall there is nowhere for that baby and stuff to go but out (all over lol). This was me pregnant the second time. I did really good with my weight gain considering everything (and all my complications and bed rest) 29 gained with Cody and 25 gained with Haley. Michael says he thinks I am the most beautiful when I am pregnant (aren't I lucky!) I told him I am sure I could just look pregnant hahahaha!

 

This is me and Cody I am 21 years old and only a couple of months away from getting pregnant with Haley!

OK - so seriously I can't even believe I am putting this picture on here because I would say this is when I felt at my worst (appearance wise). I am visiting Michael's grandmother with the kids Haley was only about 6 weeks old and Cody was 19 weeks old. Obviously I haven't lost much of the preggo weight yet.

I LOVE this picture! Not because of how I look but because it was such a special day and this picture was not posed for. Michael had found a flower and he was placing it in my hair. We lived in Puerto Rico and my parents were visiting so we were taking family pictures.

Christmas 2006 - 13 years after we met.

Fall 2010

Fall 2010.

Now, I have to say that since this last picture I have probably gained about 5 pounds ):  Now I know in the grand scheme of things this isn't bad and it isn't much and if I worked really hard I could get this back off. I would classify myself as a lazy, obsessed person about my weight. I do have the drive and dedication at times but like many I don't want to give up some of the stuff I like. I can maintain at a decent weight by not having to do too much (yes, again I realize I am lucky in this - It's not like I don't understand the struggles that some people go through to lost just a little bit).

HOWEVER, I am trying to teach my kids it is really about being healthy. Having a healthy mind, body, and spirit. All of it is important. People really do not love us because of how we look, they love us for who we are. I know this, I try to live this, but for those of us that have this terrible little voice in our heads it is a constant battle. No, I do not want to look like I did when Mike and I met. I just want to be healthy, feel healthy, and be happy with myself.

I do love myself. I love the person I am and I know that I have a big heart and I wish the best for others. Now, if I could just mute that terrible little voice that tries to tell me what size jeans I look best in that would be great! My kids are the best - they don't see the jiggle, muffin top, thunder thighs, whatever kind of word you want to use. They see Shanna the mom, the one that loves them unconditionally. For that I am grateful and I know that I need to let this leash that holds me down go.

If nature had intended our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside of our bodies.  ~Elmer Rice

Science Fair Projects

When we moved to Arizona we specifically picked the school district we are currently in after doing a lot of research trying to find the best school district and best educational opportunities. Well sometimes it can be a double edge sword because you end up having to work on projects that you personally can't stand.

For our family that is SCIENCE FAIR PROJECTS!! Those 3 dreaded words!

Although it isn't our favorite time of the year we take science fair seriously and I make my kids do their own projects. I will oversee the project and help monitor the progress but they are going to do it themselves. Here is one of Haley's projects feel free to use the idea for one of your kiddos.

Haley did Acetone fingernail polish remover vs. Non- Acetone fingernail polish remover - which one works best?

She took 6 fake nails (to use humans we would have had to get special permission) and she painted each nail and painted 2 coats of the same fingernail polish on each nail. She let each nail dry the same length of time.

She then took each nail polish remover and wiped each nail in single strokes until the polish was removed and you could see the white nail underneath. She counted each stroke and documented each nail. She did 3 nails each for both types of remover since this is recommended to test the accuracy of the test.

Her board is designed to document the scientific method. She covered the board in black paper (with a little help from me) to make it stand out and look different than everyone else's.

In the end her experiment demonstrated that the Acetone fingernail polish remover worked best. What do you think?

Bandages, Breaks, and Band Aids

How often have you had to sit in the ER? Urgent Care? Had to drag your kid to the specialist?
It seems in our house something is always going on! Here are just a few of the crazy things we have had happen to our family! We always keep it interesting!

2009 Michael collapsed his lung!

2011 Cody broke his toe

It's ME! March 4, 2010 I was waiting to have my Epi-Lasik surgery - I can now see 20/15! It's the best money I have ever spent!!

Haley broke her arm in 2004

Michael broke his hand in 2009

This was one of the many bumps to the noggin that Cody has taken. This one was because he slipped on the tile in the kitchen. It was huge - the picture just doesn't quiet show it.

In 2007 Cody was messing with his Epi-Pen and clicked the button and shot himself in the thumb with the epi-pen when we were sitting in line at Walmart waiting to get the oil changed. I had to back my car out and call 911. They ended up taking him by ambulance 30 minutes up to Tucson since the thumb is small it cut all the blood supply off to his thumb and they had to warm it up or they would have had to inject it multiple times with some sort of reversal drug. Thankfully, the heat packs worked and the blood supply returned. This was super scary because his heart rate was through the roof!

Poor Haley! She has had strep throat so many times. This time was back about a year. She currently has strep right now!

Another broken hand!

It is always interesting in our house and you never know what is going to happen next!

Reading Reading and MORE Reading!

I remember when my oldest started to school. I thought in a way it was going to be a relief and free or at least not the cost of daycare.  Bwahahahahahah! I am still laughing at myself. I remember crying because I felt like a failure of a mother because I couldn't teach my kids how to properly write their ABC's.

As they got older the assignments changed and we were introduced to a reading program required by the school.  You  know, read so many books, take tests, get points = part of your grade.  This is a great program especially if you have a kid that likes to read BUT I have one that can't stand it and I have one that is slowly finding out she LOVES to read certain books.

We came up with an incentive to "make it worth their while". Other than the fact they had to do it and I expected them to do it why not give a little motivation? I mean adults are motivated right? We like raises, bonuses, extra days off for doing a good job - so kids are no different. We implemented the reading goal jar.

What a simple system huh? A glass Mason Jar.

Together the kids and I came up with incentives that they would love to have.  Some of the items maybe cost a little money and some of the items may not cost me one penny. Each kid had their own jar and we created the incentives for each kids separately and it was "prizes" that they wanted and I agreed to. Here is a list of examples of the items they kids listed, we put on small pieces of paper, and dropped in the jar folded up:

1. Friend spend the night

2. Go to the movies

3. Pick what is for dinner

4. $5.00 item of their choice at the store

5. Go to skating rink

6. Pick place to go out to eat

7. Skip responsibilities (chores) for the day

These are just some examples of what the kids would choose to put into their own jar. At my kids' school they have AR goals they have to meet. Well to get to pull from the jar my kids had to meet their AR goal.  Sometimes if they were struggling we may have alternative ways to get to pull from the reading goal jar but for the most part they had to meet their goal.

It's a simple system but as I was talking about this as I was blogging one of my kids asked if we could go back to this system. Give it a try, tweak it, change it, use it if you want. I hope it helps you help your kid(s) meet a goal they may have or you may have for them.



STREP!!!

Being a Mom, Being a working Mom, Being a working mom with husband gone to training.... This is how it goes and does seem to always happen like this. Yesterday Haley and I both weren't feeling the best. I sucked it up this morning and went to work. Haley didn't feel great but then perked up through the day. I came home and was so glad to lay down and be a bum on the couch.

At 7:16 pm. Haley tells me she think she has strep. Really? Are you sure? How bad does it hurt? Seriously? I am running through the list of questions. Is it because I am lazy? I am tired? Am I a bad mom? Well in my gut I decided to go ahead and take her. I mean we have the same symptoms but I didn't feel strep like. But she said really mom, my head and neck hurt I know I have strep. We got dressed, packed up, set the DVR and headed out to urgent care.

Heading out with the pillow and the dankie (both my kids have dankies - they love them and when they are sick they still take them with them...most of the time).

My poor baby!

Waiting.....

More Waiting.... and I am TIRED and don't look feel good at all!

Having fun and protection - not a bad idea right?

Well she was totally right! Strep it is! BOOOO!! I am so glad I listened to her and listened to my instinct to take her tonight. As I type this her fever is now 101.2 big boo because she took meds over an hour ago. As the time ticks by I seem to be going down hill but I am keeping my fingers crossed.

After the Dr. we headed out to Walgreen's to get her meds. We scoped out all the cool stuff they had and I looked for tear off coupons (because if you have read some of my other posts you know I will get coupons any way I can). While I was there I finally caved in to buy a new thermometer.  Yep - I caved in and got one of these really cool slide it across your head thermometer. I swear it is the best thing ever! It is worth every penny. Where were these things when we were kids and all they had were rectal thermometers? LOL But seriously this thing is quick and easy. I am not as good as the nurses but we are getting the hang of it and it takes like 2 seconds.

So wish us well. I am getting off of here to try to drag my behind up the stairs and into my bed. I am guessing hoping I can work from home tomorrow. I hate having to take sick days especially when I took a scheduled one last week to take the kids to a bunch of appointments. But what do you do? I mean my kids DO come first, it is such a struggle having to tell your boss you need to take another sick day or say hey can I work from home?

I remind myself that in 2 years, 5 years whatever will my work suffer in any way or even remember that I had to take the day off? Or will my kids remember that I wasn't there when they really wanted me to be because they didn't feel good or they wanted to share something special with me? I know which it is and that is why I will be staying home tomorrow.

Fabulous Deals!!!

OK - I was so excited about the deals I got I had to go ahead and blog about it tonight.  The last week  I hadn't been very motivated about getting my coupons together. I am tired... what can I say?

But my neighbor and super mommy friend Dawn had a great deal the other day and posted on her facebook and it really got me motivated again. Yesterday, I posted a link to a blog with some great deals at Fry's grocery (check it out if you haven't already) and got my stuff together last night.

I normally do this while watching TV so I do feel productive but also get to relax. Remember the tricks. You can "stack" coupons at a lot of different stores, just check out their coupon policy. Fry's grocery will let you stack coupons right now and Target always lets  you stack coupons. Stacking is when you use a store coupon with a manufacturer coupon for the same item. Right now Fry's is accepting all competitor coupons and then all manufacture coupons are worth a dollar. Target normally has great coupons you can print off their website.

This is how the madness started last night.

This the result after the grocery store.

OK so if you are trying to count the boxes of pasta just give up! There are 41 boxes of pasta ALL FREE!!!!! This is $230.16 worth of groceries and I only paid $49.14 for all of it!  I normally don't buy bottled water ( I am trying my darndest to go green) but for my Emergency Kit I need to have a stock of water so I ended up getting these 24 pks of bottled water for $1.79 each after my coupons. Another really cool deal I got was purchasing that new Philadelphia Creme Cheese Cooking Creme on sale for $1.49 and I had a coupon for $1.50 off! Plus I had another coupon for $1.50 off any chicken when you bought the Philadelphia Creme Cheese product, so I found a pack of chicken legs on clearance for $1.99 so I got both items for only $.49

I would love to hear about your deals! Come on people I know you can do it too! Let me know how you do!

Honor, Protect, Serve

It's been over 7 years since my husband exited the United States Army.  I was a military wife for 8 years and I believe once a military wife, you never forget and you are always part of the military family. Michael and I got married when we were 18 and Michael joined the Army to provide for our little family of 2.

18 and so young ready for our adventure. We just had no idea where this adventure was going to take us!

My husband was first assigned to the 300th Military Police company at Ft. Riley, Kansas straight out of basic training.  We lived there for 18  months before we had to move overseas to the country of Panama. While stationed in Panama, Michael completed one deployment and several schools. We lived in Panama for just at a year and then we were moved to Puerto Rico. While serving in Puerto Rico Michael was part of the several special teams that provided important necessary security details. He was gone very often and I will often say that it is so unfortunate that he missed out so much when the kids were babies and toddlers. After 2 years in Puerto Rico we then moved back to Ft. Riley, Kansas for a 2nd time where he ended back up as part of the 300th MP company again.

We had only been back in Kansas for about 5 months when 9/11 happened. I will never forget that day (as so many others). That day changed so many lives forever including the path our lives were getting ready to take.  By this time Michael was promoted to Staff Sergeant (SSG E6) and he was only 23 years old. He attended another school for 2 1/2 months returned back and was only back for about 3 1/2 months before he deployed on Operation Noble Eagle.

Haley welcoming Daddy home from Operation Noble Eagle in late September 2002. As a military wife there are times when you can not cry, you can not break, you can not succumb to the pressures, the sadness, and the fear.  The day Michael returned from Operational Noble Eagle was great! We were all so excited and just couldn't stop smiling. Almost 6 months prior was a different story. I remember dropping Michael off at his company around midnight and having to say our goodbyes. Cody was a 3 1/2 and he was crying when we left because I am sure he saw me upset but then he asked why I left daddy there. He kept telling me to go back and get him! He was crying so hard. The half of my heart I still had was completely broken. We went home and I finally fell to sleep after hours of crying. The next morning I picked myself up and we started to recover and survive, I knew if I stayed broken it wouldn't do any of us any good.

After returning in late September 2002 Michael went back to work and training as all soldiers do. The following March our world was getting ready to rock-n-roll again! We knew it was coming and BAM all of a sudden we were given a few weeks notice that Michael's unit would be heading to Iraq. My dad came out to help the kids and I move home with my parents during Michael's deployment. This time we were talking war, this changed the whole situation and I knew enough to know I needed support from my family. I was 24 years old with a 4 year old and a 2 1/2 year old.  The preparation for his departure was grueling they would give us a date and then it would be changed.

This was one of the hardest days of my life. We walked in and I just kept repeating in my head, hold it together, hold it together, hold it together. Michael had just been assigned as 3rd platoon Sergeant just weeks before they were slated to leave. 24 years old and responsible for about 32 other peoples lives.

My man and my babies the night before he left for Iraq.

Saying goodbye is not easy on anyone.

Believe it or not I held it together. I kept my tears down the back of my throat knowing if I didn't stay strong in front of him it would only bring him down. He needed to be strong, he was strong, he needed me to be strong.  I can still here the songs they played, I can see the pride in his face as he led his platoon out of the gymnasium and to the buses. My heart swelled with pride and broke with fear and sorrow.

Believe it or not I held it together really for several weeks before breaking down. It was like once I swallowed the fear and sadness I tried to keep it buried.

Welcome to the restroom - which funnel would you like?

Burn detail anyone? Did you know that human waste can be burned? Who wants this job? I bet you will be so appreciative the next time you go to the restroom and get to actually flush the toilet.

This picture is deceiving but this is where my husband slept almost the entire time he was in Iraq. This is inside a small trailer that you pull. Iraq in the summer, no AC, no windows, no moving air. Hot enough it made the water bottles in their humvees explode from the heat.

Bored after/between missions. Big shout out to Heath behind Mike! We all still keep in touch after all these years. -

Daily views during OIF1

(left) Michael (right) JC - JC is currently on his 5th deployment (I do believe it his 5th - God Bless him and his family!)

Michael and Heath doing the Army thing again.

3rd Platoon - 300th MP Company - RENEGADES!! - I am sure it was as hard if not harder to leave his Renegade family as it was all the times he left us.  The men and women that served with my husband are part of his family. They are his military family and although I don't understand the situations they were in (because I don't ever ask) I do understand that they understand him in ways that I do not. Our soldiers tend to not divulge a lot of details about missions, sorrow, or regret. However, those that lived the life, went into battle, stood to have each others backs (literally) understand one another. I am grateful for each and every one of the Renegades that served with my husband.

I meet some people that ask me how I don't want to know the details of battle. It isn't that I don't ever think about what my husband and our friends went through. It isn't that I don't care. I do care, I care more than he will probably ever know (although I think he has a good idea).

Our welcome home banner for Michael when he returned home to TN after we made one of the toughest decisions for him to exit the Army when his stop loss was lifted. (this is too long of a story to include but nonetheless we came to this decision).

My hero and my veteran! He continues to serve our country!

I want to salute all of our brave men and women that serve our country every single day! I want to give a standing ovation to the wives, husbands, parents, and children of our military men and women. I think people often forget that our military members volunteer to step up and serve each and every one of us. We are so blessed to live in a country that has a volunteer military.

My husband continues to serve our wonderful country but just in a different capacity now. The family we have built is similar to the military family we made through the years. I feel so blessed to have all these wonderful people in our lives!